After dinner when everything was cleaned up and put away, Kyle and Jay walked along the moonlit beach, barefoot and holding hands.
"I love the beach at night. It's so peaceful and calm. I remember when I was a little kid the sound of the waves used to put me to sleep. Sometimes they still do."
"I know what you mean, Kyle." Jay stopped and pulled him into a gentle embrace. "I can't imagine what it would have been like without you. I doubt I'd ever set foot on this beach again. Or any beach, for that matter."
"Hey. Don't go all morbid on me. I want this night to be special."
"It is special, Baby. It's special because we're together."
They reached a secluded section of the beach and spread out the blanket on the sand. They lay on the blanket close, but not quite touching.
"Please hold me," Kyle begged. Jay gathered Kyle up into his arms. "I've missed being held by you so much. I can't tell you what an indescribable feeling it is to be held in your arms like this, all alone. No doctors or nurses around, just you and me. Make love to me, please?"
"Are you sure? You know what the Dr. said. You have to be the one to initiate things, and if either one of us starts to feel uncomfortable, we stop."
"Nothing is going to stop us," Kyle replied firmly.
"Kyle, forcing you into something you're not ready for could put you back in the hospital. Do you want that?"
"No, but on the other hand, I can't keep continuing to deny you the fulfillment of your needs. You can't deny that your needs are starting to get overwhelming."
"I can deny it, because the number one need I have, and have had for the longest time, is being fulfilled right now. Right now, I'm content just to hold you in my arms. Sex can wait until you are absolutely and completely ready for it."
"But I am ready. I want it so badly it hurts. It's been so long since I've felt you inside me. Please Jay. Please. I need this. I need you."
"You know the ground rules Dr. Foster laid down. You have to initiate, if either one of us feels the slightest discomfort we stop, and no rough stuff."
"Why do we have to have ground rules? Why can't it be spontaneous and wonderful like it used to be?" Kyle pulled away from Jay and sat up.
Jay sat up and moved so he could look him straight in the eyes. "First of all, Kyle, those ground rules, which ARE only temporary, are to keep you safe and out of the hospital. Secondly, these rules won't affect the spontaneity of our lovemaking unless you choose to allow them to."
"I just want things to be back the way they were. I want things to be right between us."
Jay reached over and placed a tender kiss on Kyle's lips. "Things are right between us. I love you more than life itself. You are way beyond precious to me. I can't lose you. Things will return to normal in time. We just have to take it slow and be patient. You do love me, don't you?"
"I do, with every fiber of my existence."
"Then believe that our love is strong enough to see us through this and have faith in us."
Kyle sat there motionless, staring at Jay until he started to wonder if he said the wrong things and if Kyle was going to get up and leave. Suddenly, without any warning Kyle threw himself on Jay, kissing him with careless abandon.
Jay returned the kiss with all of the pent-up passion that had been building up inside him.
Kyle broke the kiss abruptly. "What's wrong baby?" Jay asked.
"We have clothes on."
"And?" Jay prompted.
"I'm just trying to figure out how to make love to you and not have you repulsed by my scar." He responded quietly, looking everywhere but at Jay.
"Kyle, look at me." He repeated it more forcefully when Kyle refused. "I love you. I have since the moment I laid eyes on you. I always will love you. That scar doesn't bother me in the least." To prove he meant what he said, Jay yanked off Kyle's shirt and traced the colostomy scar gently with his fingertip before he bent down and kissed it.
"I just don't understand how you can possibly be attracted to me now."
"Kyle, it's not just your body I'm attracted to. It's everything about you. You have a great personality, you're way smarter than me, you're kind, open-minded, generous, a gifted artist and singer. When you're on your game, you throw a perfect game of cricket. I don't know of anyone who can complete a game with only nine darts.
All of these things combined are what make you the man I love more than anything. One little scar is not going to change the way I feel about you. What do I have to do to prove it to you?"
"I don't know. I just want things to be the way they used to be, you know, the way you would grab me, pull me into the bedroom and screw my brains out without any warning. I miss that. I hate that we have to plan our lovemaking."
"Baby, we don't have to plan anything. We just have to do a little role-reversal for the time being. Whenever you want sex, all you have to do is tell me. I'll always be ready, willing and able to make love to you." He took Kyle's hand and placed it on his crotch, so Kyle could feel his erection. "See what I mean?"
Kyle rubbed it for a moment before grabbing Jay and pulling him down on top of him. "Please make love to me." He whispered. After about a half-hour of foreplay, Kyle couldn't stand it any longer. He flipped Jay onto his back, straddled his hips and impaled himself. He sat motionless on Jay's hips until Jay raised his eyebrows in question. "This feels so good I don't want to move and cause you to come. I want to stay like this forever."
"What's going to happen when you have to take a dump?"
"We'll just have to figure it out when the time comes," Kyle replied with a straight face.
Jay started giggling at the mental image that popped into his head. The giggling turned into laughter. He was laughing so hard his whole body shook. His shaking had an immediate effect on Kyle, who started bucking wildly as if they had to finish as quickly as possible before they got caught.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Kyle, slow down. Stop. STOP!"
Kyle stopped bucking and looked at Jay with an unreadable expression on his face, his eyes glazed over. "I don't want to just fuck you. I want to make love to you. I want it to last as long as we can make it last. On second thought, maybe we should stop."
Suddenly, Kyle shook his head. He appeared to be just noticing what was going on. "What?"
"Do you realize what just happened? You spaced out and tried to rape yourself."
"Damn it! I wanted this to be so perfect and I messed it up." He pulled himself off Jay, flung himself down on the ground, facing away from Jay and started sobbing. "Call it off, Jay."
"Call what off?"
"The wedding. There's no way you want to be with me. I can't even have you make love to me without screwing it up."
Jay tried to turn Kyle to face him. Failing that, he moved to the other side of him, so he could face him. "Look at me, baby." Kyle reluctantly looked at him. "What do you see?"
"Someone who would be better off without me."
FUCK! The doctor warned me Kyle would have self-esteem issues, but I didn't expect this. "Look again, baby. The only thing in front of you is someone who will never let you go, no matter what. My feelings for you have not changed, Dr. Matthews." Jay purposely used Kyle's new title to emphasize the fact that Kyle had fulfilled one of his dreams. "You're not going to get out of marrying me. The sex will wait until you are totally and completely ready."
"Why? I've told you many times before, you are a precious gift to me, one I cherish and don't ever want to lose. I can wait for as long as it takes."
Kyle sniffled and looked Jay in the eyes, realizing the truth in his words. "Can we try again, please?"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure." This time, their lovemaking was wonderful, both of them bringing each other to completeness. Afterward, Jay hugged Kyle close and remarked "I can't wait to marry you" as they drifted off to sleep.