It seemed school was really over as the summer days got warmer, longer, sunnier, maybe along with my love towards Ryan. But this time it was different as school would be really over, like for the last time as high school itself was becoming just like a turned page in that very moment as everything was closing to an ending... that ending that was just happening in front of my eyes but actually just a beginning.
Those thoughts were very clear as there was that silence already taking the school, what just made it noticeable for me that the students – even the screaming and 'pain in the ass' ones – bring life to a school. That just made me feel the fact I couldn't remain there not even if I kept there myself as the crowd was fading and, with that, school was going away from me. That was a peaceful place, so Ryan and I were lying on the grass while listening to some music on my mp3.
"This one is very beautiful," I mentioned as we were listening. "This song's name is 'If I let you go'..." I concluded.
"Never let me go, Phil." Ryan turned his head at me and said. "Never let go of me," he concluded above a whisper as the green of his eyes took the best of my feelings making me even feel a thrill. And I just smiled.
"The guys who sing it are so beautiful, too," I mentioned. "Just don't get jealous of them, right?" I concluded, smiling.
"Well..." Ryan said, averting his gaze to the grass.
"They're so beautiful I'd almost cry for that." I pushed a little more to tease "... If I didn't have a so very beautiful guy... mmm, here, by my side, ooonly to me." I added, stretching to get up and with that, I was rewarded with a smile.
"Yes!" I shouted aloud as it echoed in that empty space.
"What was that for?" Ryan asked.
"It's just that we finally finished the tests, I passed in physics and well, we have the whole summer vacations to enjoy each other's company." I triumphantly concluded.
"Maybe we can spend like all the time together," he concluded with a grin, so shiny.
We stopped at the way back home to have some ice-cream.
"Mm... I want pineapple ice-cream!" Ryan said as we were arriving at the store.
"Oh, I thought you'd ask some ice-cream just 'cause it comes with those dumb toys for kids." I teased.
"I don't like toys... I have something else I prefer." Ryan was saying as he got the ice-cream. As he said that he was staring at my crotch.
"You know?" he casually completed licking the ice-cream and the top, still looking 'at me' with that green look.
"Ry?!" I said, caught in disbelief. I was sure my face was reddening. I just confirmed I was as Ryan was chuckling at me.
We were sitting and having ice-cream as we could see, there, far, the square's fountain, people and the beautiful trees, and even some flowers.
"Did you notice the way the school looks empty?" I started.
"Yeah. It seems it's finally over." he completed.
"I don't think I'm gonna miss any of them... people from school. Anyway, it's like they won't miss me either." I commented.
"Yeah, logically you're right as I mostly think the same, but I don't know, I feel we can regret thinking this way in the future, when we don't have these people around anymore," he replied as I was paying attention. "I mean, they haven't been the best but they're not that bad," he concluded.
"Maybe you're right." I shrugged.
"But one thing I'm sure. Even if all of it gets behind, you're gonna be always with me. You're part of my life." I said showing it at him through my eyes.
As we were eating and there was getting warmer it seems a storm was forming as the wind gently brushed Ryan's hair.
"I was thinking... maybe highschool's not so 'behind' as I didn't even get any letter from college," I told him.
"I didn't get any either. You're so smart and you know that, don't you? I mean, if I still have the hope of getting it, I know you're surely gonna get it." he concluded with a reassuring smile.
We were really happy as we arrived at home. I could barely believe I would have the whole summer with Ryan, ahead of me. If I got to think I'd realize everything I wanted getting rid of was finally over and I just made it, I had someone I wanted loving for the rest of my days. At least at that moment I had this very comprehension and feeling pulsing in my heart.
There was a letter on the floor, which someone may have slipped under the door, I assumed. I got paralyzed... there was the State's University symbol in it and as I started reading there were only joyful notes telling me that I would start college, there, in the upcoming fall.
Ryan was beside me reading the news as well. I was so happy I turned and hugged him tight.
"Ry, the State's accepted me!" I told him, all enthusiastic, smiling and I guess I was even jumping, holding at him.
I buried my uncontainable smile in his shoulder holding tight at him but I noticed his hands were loose, he wasn't holding me. I let go and looked at him.
His tears were falling on his face as the storm started falling outside. There were no sobs, just tears freely running. He even tried a weak smile at me. But as concern filled my look towards him, he averted his look at the floor and gave in and started crying.
His crying was an image of no hope. His shoulders were shaking as the tears were running on his face with a low sound. His hands were loose as his arms by the sides of his slim body and his hair was falling all over his face as he was just standing, there, crying. That view was bringing me sadness.
"Why are you crying, hun?" I tenderly asked.
"I'm happy for you, you know..." he started wiping the tears from his face "... but it's just that you're moving, and then and we won't get together anymore." he said and averted his gaze to the floor once more.
After that first blast, understanding filled me as that sadness rushed through my body and the first impulse I had was holding Ryan tight as the tears started freely shedding from my eyes.
He also started crying again and we kept there, holding each other as the storm feel outdoors. We held even tighter as a strong thunder sounded. And we got there feeling each other's closeness and warmth as if it would make the time stop for the time to get apart not come.
Then, we were on my bed, both lying on our sides and holding to each other, tight, with our faces very close, looking at each other.
"I will never go away, Ry," I said, tightening the hug as I started hungrily kissing his neck to add to the brushing of our crotches against each other.
I was feeling a few more tears of his fall on my shoulder as that soft and wet contact between my lips and his neck went on. I made my way to his shoulder. I started running my hands all over his back to warm him, even more, and with that his tears subsided.
I ran my lips upon his salty tears on his cheek to reach for his lips as I rolled over him. We shared a long and passionate kiss as I felt the tip of my tongue against his at first and then started moving them as I couldn't say anymore what part of the kiss was moving in my mouth or his as if I wanted to take some of his essence, his very soul into that kiss.
I started brushing my lips making my way down on his chest, abs. He sat down as I felt his smooth skin in my lips and started lightly ruffling my hair with his fingers. I looked at his face and our eyes met. I could say he was doing that because he wanted seeing me even when I had him in my mouth. I smiled at him, tentatively, not getting more than his attentive stare.
So, I got his briefs off and started sucking the head of his hardness rolling my tongue all over it. As he was sitting on, he bent a little backwards, supporting himself with his hands behind him, on the mattress as he looked at the ceiling for a moment.
I sat on his lap and kissed his neck making my way to his lips for a feverish kiss that wasn't being well aimed as I was adjusting myself on his lap against his hardness.
So, we broke the kiss and were deeply staring at each other.
"Make it as if it were the last time." I deeply and some huskily told him, looking into his eyes.
I was slowly adjusting myself down on his lap as his shaft was slipping inside me.
That was an intense feeling shared between Ryan's moans, as he averted his gaze, and my low moans.
I knew I had that feeling that made me raise a little and get down again against his hardness in my crack and that feeling was almost numbing added to my cock brushing against his hard abs, between us.
My breath was getting heavier and I felt it was getting warmer as Ryan held me with his hands around my back as I was moving on his lap.
Soon I heard some deep moans and felt that hot liquid filling me. With that, I went decreasing the pace until I stopped and sat just in front of his lap as he had that cock with lots of cum over it, on his lap. I just sucked it all.
As both of us were sitting with stretched legs, facing each other, on the bed, Ryan joined his legs close to his chest and put them over mine. After that, he put his hands on my shoulders and then back as he was pushing himself towards me, getting closer.
With that, my hard cock was already touching his abs. He started kissing my earlobe, my neck and held, with more force, to me, as I firmly pulled him close to me, with my chest touching his as my cock's head got placed in his crack.
"Mm... yeah, like the last time." Ryan moaned.
Ryan went on exhaling heavily and letting it all in. When all of it was inside him I pulled him tighter and started moving my hips against him.
I could hear his low deep moans as I tried helping some groans as my face was getting warmer and flushed.
I buried my face against his shoulder and placed my hands on his upper back as I pulled him tighter. My urge was building up.
I let out a loud gasp as I erupted inside him, as he was on my lap, with my cock buried inside him and I was holding to that slim body and he was holding to mine.
He raised off of my lap as we were taking our breathes but we remained sitting like that, with our thighs touching and our crotches very close. So we pulled each other closer and kissed endlessly wrapping our arms around each other as we could feel each other's tears start shedding again feeling that all that closeness was close to end up as destiny would bring us apart.
I complained about bad things before... as life got so different for me I learnt - like I gotta hold strong on such belief - being thankful for everything that goes right, even the smallest and the most basic, and even trying being thankful for the bad things - holding to the belief they're there to make me stronger - otherwise I'd perish like a weak one.
Be strong and your reward will come... it's already there, it's you, that special being.
Thank you. I thank you for existing and add to the world with that light of yours, and being reading of mine now. Thank you.
Thank you very much for reading this far and giving me this opportunity to 'talk' - write - about some feelings. I'd feel honoured if it could add something of good to you somehow.
I've been so busy but I made sure of not letting my writing down, so I sincerely hope you who read it, really appreciate it and if you do, I'd really like hearing of yours at Luiz