On the flight home Conner was on a high and he kept wanting me to try and gently break him in, he said it was time and I wanted so badly for this to happen so I lapped, played and stretched his hole, lubing it so we could finally do it. He was holding his legs around my waist tightly as I slowly slipped into him, our eyes locked but I thought any sign of pain and I would quickly withdraw. I must have hit his prostate because his grunts turned to amazement, he even began to push back, he was tight and hurting but urged me on until we both came. One thing I did notice was his erection didn't go down but got harder. He actually loved the feeling and didn't want me to pull out, but the loss of a very large load meant my cock automatically slipped out into the warm air. He couldn't stop kissing me and I think he was hoping I would get hard again but I didn't for at least another thirty minutes when I took him again.
"Thank you," I whispered.
"If I had known it would feel like that, I would have done it sooner. It felt great, it hurt but a good hurt, was I tight baby?"
"Awesome Conner, the perfect fit, thank you for waiting for us." I said reveling in my afterglow.
"Prepare for landing Brent," Phil announced.
We scrambled to remake the bed and Conner helped tidy up. I sprayed the cabin,as it smelt like scotch and sex then we buckled up, holding hands over the table.
After the checks were done we were finally in the car heading home.
"I need to call and see Ray at the office babe, do you want to wait or come up with me?"
"I'll come up and say hello, I want to see Helen about something," I replied.
"Oh?" he said.
"Nothing much, I noticed the toilet wasn't flushing like it should and wanted her to organize someone to look at it, that’s all," I replied.
We caught the lift to the ninth floor, kissing all the way.
"Your lift, your rules?"I asked.
"My building, my lift, my rules," he smiled.
Ray was his usual pleasant self; I apologized for the tenth time about my behavior when I first went to the house and he replied,
"That’s it, no more Brent, neither of us did anything wrong. We thought maybe that’s what you needed at the time and John's a little protective of his boys, he wasn't thinking." Then he added with a giggle,
"But he's a bloody good accountant Brent, and a great cook." We both laughed.
"Did you get everything sorted with Helen babe?"
"Yes Conner, all done,she’s on to it."
I had asked Helen to hire a cleaning company to scrub my apartment clean before the lease ran out, I had already been there and dumped the camp stretcher in the garbage along with the pillows, blankets and sheets. I took my personal things, which wasn't much and locked the door, never to return. I thanked the concierge again for looking out for me and he gave me the thumbs up.
I know it's a serviced apartment but it hadn't been cleaned at all since I moved in, as I had told them I would rather do the cleaning, which I didn't. Helen didn't need to know and she did have access to a good business that would make it shine again.
Jenny and Bob were due for a visit this weekend and Conner's CD had been released. Marty was over the moon he had done that album; it is what he was trying to talk Conner into doing before I came on the scene. It hit number one on the Australian top forty and number ten album on billboard. The number one was,'Rick Conners,' which included the movie theme from the movie and the rock world was rocked, the write ups were positive and Conner had to sit in a hotel room all day and answer basically the same questions over and over while being interviewed by a dozen media groups for their music shows, papers and rock magazines. Among these was a man called Molly Meldrum, he was recovering from a terrible fall from a ladder but very much the respected music industry guru, it was Molly that was given the world scoop that the Beatles were breaking up. Okay, I have an Ipad and I sometimes Google, well I Google a lot.
Conner knew him and had been to his house several times with Marty, they had become good friends and before the interview started they talked candidly, Conner introduced him to me then winked at Molly who smiled genuinely and said,
"Welcome Brent, is everything okay with you now?" he inquired.
"Yes Mr. Meldrum, I'm getting there bit by bit, and you?"I was embarrassed.
"Well when you two have got time, come over for lunch one day, I miss our chats Rick and Brent, it's just Molly for you and yes I will survive."
"I will ring you Molly, soon,” Conner said.
I noticed his interview with Molly lasted longer than the others and Conner spoke about my ordeal, which caused him to delay his concert tour of Europe, but things were on track and it's now being slotted for early next year.
We were both elated,the Australian Cancer Council had organized this Sydney concert and they would feature among some of the best-known singers and bands in the country. It just wasn't Conner alone; he was one of ten acts that were doing the unplugged show, a fundraiser and a very worthy one.
Jen and Bob were the perfect couple, I cringe when I think about what I had done to them but their spirit and love for me healed any rift I had made.
Bob was a very good friend and I loved him from the moment I met him. He was totally loyal to me when I told my parents I was gay, he backed me up and stood by me, he was the perfect man in my life. My parents settled in to the news but my mum who was a bit of a prude, still thought I would change back. I could never tell them about Conner, it would be all over Thomastown in minutes as my mum had a network of gossip friends, but Jen and Bob I trusted.
Ray, John, Bob, Jen and us had a great dinner, John cooked and it was delicious then we listened to some tracks Conner hadn't put on his new album and they were just as good as the ones that were published. Then Conner got his guitar out and did his slow version of,'Rock on Loud,'and it was perfect, Jen had no idea it would sound so sweet and Bob was in awe all night.
Conner handed Bob a piece of paper with details printed out.
That’s your flight and hotel itinerary for next weekend, a car will pick you up Friday night and we will all fly to Sydney together and stay at the Circular Quay Hotel.You could do some sightseeing, come to my concert and you will be dropped home Sunday night.
"What?" Jen said.
"It’s a thank you present from Brent and I, please say you will come."
"Of course we'll come Conner, this is just the best, awesome Brent, I don't know what to say," Bob was so happy.
"Yes, yes, yes," Jen said.
"We couldn't afford this on our own so we both thank you so much, god knows it's been a struggle these past few years," Jen said.
"Do you have a mortgage guys?" Conner asked.
"Do we ever, Bob never stopped helping to pay it, maybe he knew we would survive the rift," she smiled at her gorgeous husband.
"Talk to Ray here, he will refinance it at a much more manageable rate. Make an appointment with him when you get back, this isn't for everyone just family and we do it through the company, maybe a, what’s the rate now Ray?"
"About two per cent Conner I think, but I will have to check," he replied.
That was it, Jenny burst out bawling, it was as if Conner had lifted a lead weight from her shoulders, sobbing, she leant over and hugged Ray and then Conner.
"Sorry guys I'm a bit emotional at the moment," she sniffled and smiled at the elated Bobby.
"Now,it's time for your present (pause) uncle Brent and uncle Conner," Bob smiled.
I cried as I hugged my beautiful sister and Bob, I know how they both wanted kids and because of me they had parted without them. I cried into Bob's shoulder and kept stroking Jen’s hair, they were both so over the moon and excited just like us all at the unexpected news.
"I haven't told the parents yet Brent, you know how mum is, she will try and take over so we are leaving it for another few weeks, just until it really sinks in with us," she said.
"I couldn't be any happier than I am at the moment sis, it’s just the best news ever," I said.
"You and Conner will be the god parents won't you?" Bob asked.
We both nodded yes, Ray and John moaned.
"Oh and John, you will cook the Baptism luncheon won't you?" Jen giggled.
"Well if that’s all I get, then so be it, I will," he hugged her laughing.
They had to leave shortly after as Jen was getting tired and Bob wanted an early start in the morning, he was landscaping the garden as it had been left in ruin for a couple of years, thanks to me.
Conner and I settled in for the night, his CD was playing and his excitement showed; as I slid into him his butt caressed my dick snugly. I gently rode him into a mind-blowing orgasm, his legs were like jelly but he wanted more so I held him close as he slipped off to sleep. I stayed awake thinking how beautiful he was and I moved my hand gently all over his torso, he was real and he was here. I couldn't believe I could love this man any more than I did but in this moment, I absolutely adored him, I kissed his nipple and turned the lamp off. In the middle of the night I heard Conner moan so I pulled him closer and lightly kissed him, tucking the blankets around us and making a cocoon, I could hear thunder off in the distance.
Sunday morning and I looked at my schedule for this week."I only have three days work this week Conner, apparently no one sends many Express parcels this week," I laughed.
"I have cut it back to three days Brent, the other jet will take up the slack, it has plenty of storage space it usually only takes the larger deliveries," he said off the cuff.
"Why do that, the jet is faster?"
"Brent baby, just go with it for awhile, don't stress, everyone gets paid the same. Phil and Dave need a break badly and I'm afraid your kidnapping has thrown them for a sixer so for the next few weeks we will be just hauling human cargo," he said.
I let it be as he was only concerned about my workmates and me, that’s all. I was feeling better about myself as that same day I put the diary back in aunty Beth's room. I sat at her dressing table and looked into her mirror, my swelling had disappeared but the slash on my face was still tinted pink. My nose was as it should be but with an added tiny bump, which I didn't mind. My jaw was straight, my teeth screwed in and perfect and all thanks to my work's medical plan.But I wasn't the same inside I will never get back to being the old me.
I knew I could have anal sex again but I was waiting for Conner to instigate it, as I said, I could take it or leave it. My hair was much longer and the highlights danced around my head as I moved but maybe I'll get it cut short next time and maybe I won't, I took a tie from the table and wrapped it into a pony tail, it felt good.
"When you get around to the clothes in the wardrobe, I prefer you in the blue dress baby," Conner laughed, he had been watching me from the doorway.
I threw my arms around him, kissing his face with very wet lips.
"Put it on then honey and I'll show you how to act like a real woman," I giggled.
I had pushed him into the hallway and was about to detour into our bedroom when he said,
"No can do baby, got my period," he smiled.
"Oh dear," I replied.
"Don't start throwing things around the kitchen then," I smirked.
"What would you like to do today Conner?" I asked.
"Do you want to go for a walk up Chapel street maybe, we could catch a tram into the city and go see our possum friends. Better still, why don't you give Rob and Adam a call, we could meet them somewhere for lunch?" he suggested.
"Okay, you right with catching a tram?" I asked.
"Well maybe we can drive," he did his rock star stance as he slipped his dark glasses on.
"Sure you got your period?" I inquired.
"Absolutely," he smiled.
It was one of those rare days when everything just fell into place.
We met Adam and Rob for lunch and they were coming to Sydney too and I thought my flight will be full, but they had to leave early, something about being tired and wanting an early night.
Sitting in the late afternoon sun outside a small bistro in Acland Street, Conner dropped a small idea he had been toying with.
"I want to do something nice for Adam and Rob, they were there for us you know, especially Rob, he was so focused when I was such a mess but I don't know what to do for them."
"Well I think that’s a good thing Conner, I also wanted to do something for Rob, he's been a beautiful friend to me, to us, but I'm stuck for ideas. He needed a car and Adam and Ray helped him there, he rents his apartment but I can see him moving in with Adam in the not to far future, I really can't come up with anything except maybe flowers and a thank you card," I said.
"Okay, we will leave it for now, maybe when he moves but keep your ear tuned into them, perhaps there is something we can do that we are not seeing."
"Sure Conner and thank you for what you have done for Jen and Bob, I could see their worry lines disappear almost instantly," I said.
"I wanted to do something for them also Brent, she was so kind to me in Darwin, she didn't have to include me but she did," he answered
"That brings us to Marty and Di, any clues?" he asked.
"Well, what about a push in the right direction, meaning with Pat out of the picture they should be thinking about getting married? I know Marty has taken over her management and did you see,she’s sporting a big diamond ring but nothing has been announced, maybe just a bit of a push but don't ask me what kind," I laughed.
"I have an idea, what about a weekend at Bora-Bora resort?"Conner suggested.
"Awesome idea, sun, sand and their own private villa by the ocean, if that doesn't push them in the right direction then I have no idea what will.Hey, maybe Rob and Adam would like that too?" I suggested after having a light bulb moment.
"I'll get Jill onto it, I don't think I have anything on the weekend after next so maybe we should go with them?" Conner suggested.
"Stop that, stop it now, I know what you’re up to Conner Wilson, you're so transparent,"I moaned.
"Stop what babe, want another coffee?"he asked.
"Yes please but you have to just ask me if you want to take me somewhere, don't come up with the repaying the friends card, we both know they will get married and Rob doesn't need a thing except Adam baby. I would love a weekend in Bora-Bora, if the others come great but if they don't well that's great too, but if you need to get me away for a dirty weekend don't ask anyone, I'm not going to fight you on it," I said firmly.
"Let's go look at speedos," he grinned.
"Right, let's go," I replied grabbing my jacket off the seat beside me then I looked at Conner but he hadn't moved.
"What now mister?"
He leant over and said,
"I love you so much."
"Me too you babe, come on."
The next day I was dressed and ready and Conner wanted to be dropped at Marty's office. He had the concert tour to go over with him and Adam, it will be a long day for him so I would be able to pick him up on the way back as we only had a six hour return flight to Brisbane. Two professionals will fly with us today, they were on a business, and we would meet them day after tomorrow to bring them back.
After kissing Conner goodbye and not wanting to let go, I got myself to the hangar.
The guys that came on board were stockbrokers and young guns at that, they talked non-stop about the stock market, had a few drinks then sat at the table for lunch. I stayed in the galley and generally amused myself on the Ipad, oh no, I had discovered,'Candy Crush,'and I was totally hooked on this game like millions of others. It was an uneventful flight and I got up to level twenty nine, the guys thanked me for the great service and one of them, I think his name was Layton, slipped a piece of paper in my hand and said,"Thank you and see you next Monday,"then he winked.
I put it in my pocket assuming it was his phone number and thought I would tell him I'm off the market on the return flight but really,he didn't seem to be too interested on the flight up.
When I got to my car, I read it and it said,
'Do yourself a favor and buy shares in this company. Tin Pan Limited.'
Well it wasn't a phone number but rather a stock market tip. I'll speak to Ray tonight,as I really don't know a thing about stock. Nice one guys.
I arrived at Marty's and they were still hard at it so I sat in on the meeting, I made coffee and grabbed a sandwich then sat with my man. They had nutted out the tour and dates but now they were discussing whether to use the Sydney back up band or the Melbourne one. Marty was adamant it should be the Sydney one while Conner wanted the Melbourne band, Adam was tired. I looked over at him and closed my eyes, indicating I knew he was eager to get going. Conner is the whole package but he does have four guys that back him up with the live concerts and CDs and they are great bands in there own right, but it's Rick Conners that headlines. I thought I knew what the problem was but didn't want to interrupt, as maybe I'm wrong.
They didn't agree and it was getting late so I thought, here goes.
"Which band is the best?" I asked.
"Sydney," they both said.
"Then why the argument?" I asked
"No argument, it's just I want the Melbourne one to back me up in Europe,"Conner said.
"Answer me this truthfully Conner, do the Melbourne boys dabble in drugs?"
"What kind of question is that?" Marty asked.
"I know the Sydney one does or some of them do, so what about the other one?"
"I don't think so Brent, I've never seen it," Conner replied
"Go with Melbourne, you will have less hassles Marty, they can start practicing from now, you got an empty garage?" I looked at him and laughed.
I knew one guy in the Sydney group took drugs as Conner had told me, so if he's doing that on a big tour he's unreliable and dangerous to travel with, especially in some of the Asian countries where anything could happen. Rick's name is at stake and I didn't want any little slimy druggie stuffing it up for him. Plus, he still had the hot’s for Rick and I don't need the worry.
"Are we in agreement gentlemen?"I asked.
I got a yes from the three of them.
"Good, now let's go home."
Shaking Marty's hand I said,
"Have you and Di set a date yet?"
"No Brent but it will be happening during the tour, she wants to come with us I think but I'm not quite sure yet. I think she wants to start a family," he said.
"Good, it's right and good," I said as I kissed Marty's cheek then Adam’s and said goodnight.
"Marty doesn't know about the drummer."
"I figured that Con so I opted for drugs instead," I smiled at him.
He sighed then took my hand and squeezed it.
When we got home I said to Conner I wanted to go in next door for a minute, I had something to ask Ray. He came with me.
As it turned out we stayed for dinner as John was cooking up a storm, Conner's favorite meal homemade'Fish and Chips,' so I showed the note to Ray and explained what happened.
"Go for it Brent, it's an insider trading leg up, do you need help with buying stock?"
I let out a big breath and said,
"Well I wanted you to help me yes, but I’m a bit hesitant to let go of the money."
"Well why not start small, say ten thousand dollars worth? I will have a look and see what it's worth in a minute and if you keep it small then you don't lose much but if the stock goes up then you win some money?"he smiled.
He looked at the stock and googled the name, it was a very new mining company and about a dollar a share at the moment.
I said I would sleep on it and let him know in the morning and he said he would set up a trading account for me, just in case.
We walked home arm in arm, Conner opened the gate and the front door for me and he was being very attentive.
"Coffee?" he asked as I dropped a CD in the player.
I sat in front of the TV and he brought the coffee over, I was deep in thought by this time.
"Why don't you buy the stock Brent, those young guns are good at their jobs babe otherwise their boss wouldn't be sending them to Brisbane on a private jet. Buy a hundred thousand shares, you have the money."
"I don't Conner,"I said.
"I mean I do and I don't Conner.
"What do you mean baby?"he asked.
I cleared my throat.
"Conner,that’s your money and I'm embarrassed to have kept it for so long. Please don't think I'm like that, it was just that the money when you sent it to me had a note with it that said I love you, come home to us. More important than the money were two words, love and home. It became my security blanket, I should have given it back to you but it made me feel safe just keeping it. I promise I will never use it, I promise Conner and if you need it back then I will transfer it to you. I don't want to use it to maybe piss against the wall on shares, I have some money so I can buy maybe five thousand shares, maybe." I had no idea what I was talking about, everything had gone quiet and the CD had stopped.
"Babe, I don't want you to spend it, its there in case you have any trouble and you can't get to me for help. It's yours because I felt so fucking helpless when you were taken, at least I know now how you feel and I agree, don't spend it on shares just buy what you can afford," he said.
Twenty minutes later, he was gently entering me from behind. I was very agitated but tried my hardest not to show it, sweat was running down my face, my eyes were tightly closed and he knew, my Conner knew I felt bad so he pulled out and held me.
"That was insensitive of me Brent, it won't happen again, I'm so sorry."
I wept and the mood was lost.
In the morning while having breakfast I tried to apologize to him.
"Don't Brent, I don't mind having you in me, I kinda like it but I love being in you, it feels like I'm at one with you but it's not why I love you Brent, it's only a little part. I think your trying too hard to please me and I'm good with the current arrangement but I will say this, please tell Dr. Taylor, he may be able to help. If it never happens again I won't care, what I care about is you," he said.
"Thank you," I was so embarrassed.
I should man up, I was a man once and I took the lead in my relationships, I enjoyed playing that role and I enjoyed my boyfriends relying on me. Maybe I was wrong to do that, maybe this is who I am supposed to be, I can’t think that deeply and I will talk to Dr. Taylor about it.
"Brent?" I heard.
"Brent your miles away, what time do you have to go today?"
I looked at my watch.
"Fuck Conner, I'm going to be late."
I kissed him goodbye.
"Don't rush baby, you've got plenty of time, it's only a twenty minute drive from here so take it easy," he urged.
I kissed him again, holding him tight.
"My boss will be on my ass if I’m late," I laughed.
"It's good to see babe, I miss your laughter," he said.
Of course I made it to the airport and Phil and Dave had already arrived, we were flying to Canberra and taking four politicians back for the start of a parliamentary session. I didn't know of them but they were polite. I fixed drinks then did my safety checks and in no time we were in the air. A quick flight but interesting, they talked non-stop about the women in parliament house, their secretaries, their colleagues, their mistresses, just a bunch of wankers really and acting like typical bullies, no wonder I don't get into politics much. The good thing was that they tipped me quite well so it was worth the trip.
We were empty on the way back and I sat in the cockpit with the boys, they really are such a nice couple of blokes who never tried to hide that they loved each other with their friends. They spoke about the panic they felt when I hadn't turned up that morning in Darwin; they just didn't know what to do. The hotel security cameras had filmed Pat and I getting into the lift but nothing after that and they were told to start looking for me by Conner so had searched all the hotels, motels and beaches. Suddenly, they were looking at me strangely, tears were streaming down my face, piss pooled on the floor and I didn't even know it was happening.
"Brent come with me buddy boy, we are sorry, we thought you were getting better but obviously you’re not," Phil said.
He poured me a double brandy then led me to the shower stall, I didn’t know whether to cry or laugh, I stripped and washed, then I washed again, my embarrassment was abating. Dressing in my spare clothes, I had another brandy, it calmed me. Phil had waited for me to finish then
he made me sit on the couch. I tried to tell him I was okay, that the shrink had told me it would take a long time to heal, he made coffee and sat holding my hand and he started giving me a different story.
"Brent we cannot tell you how much you mean to us all and how much we worry about you. We are not going to pretend it didn't happen, it affected us also, badly, and we need to talk about it too. You were lost and we all were worried about you but now you're back in the fold and you have to start believing none of what happened was your fault," he said.
"I didn't mean to cry Phil, I didn't even realize I was doing it."
"I know why Brent, you were crying because you feel guilty, you put everyone out by being taken, you let Conner down for letting these men treat you like shit, you blame yourself that’s why you were crying."
"I,"I tried to speak.
"No, let me ask you, did you ask to be kidnapped?
Did you ask to be bashed?
And did you ask to be raped?"
"No," I answered.
"Then none of it was your fault, you didn't ask for any of it, your not capable as a human being to ask for those sort of things to be done to you, your just not capable of it, and I will tell you something else you have forgotten, those dreadful people are all dead, they don't exist anymore, only in your head and if you let them in, they will control you from the grave for the rest of your life. Are you going to allow that to happen?" he forcefully said.
"I can't get passed it Phil, I try so hard to forget what happened but it's always there, I am a fake, I pretend nothing is wrong around people but I know it's not right, I tried to make Conner happy last night by offering to catch but panicked before he got halfway in. He can't screw me anymore, I’m terrified he's going to hurt me," I said.
"Well no longer Brent, your going to harden up and become the responsible person I know you are and kick those cunts so hard they will never come back. You survived but you didn't survive because you were weak Brent, you survived because of your strength. You're still shell shocked and we all want to help you return to living a beautiful life but if you want to cry, do it man, get it out, if you want to scream,then do it but do it in front of your friends, not in private.
My sister was raped when she was fourteen and we thought she was a goner but she finally won the battle when she took a good look at herself and decided it wasn't her doing, when she stopped blaming herself and believed in herself. She went on to become a councilor for troubled children;she’s at the top of her game now because she won the biggest fight she will ever have to endure. Sure, she gets depressed but she gets depressed for the right reasons not the wrong ones, like your doing."
He was making sense, I was being the victim, those people were dead and Conner loves me, I will fix this mess.
"Thank you Phil, thank you so much mate, you make a lot of sense. I guess I better fire my psych doctor and just talk to you," I said.
"You smiled, that’s the first step and I'll tell you the second step, we got time for another coffee? I better see if Dave's still awake and if he wants one," he smiled.
I made the coffee, somehow I felt a lot better, taking one to Dave I sat again with Phil.
"Now let's talk about sex," he said.