I was in the car and we were driving. It was rainy and the traffic was heavy. We were going through the light when I saw the truck coming. At first, I thought it was just the rain, but it wasn't. I heard the metal crunch and the windows break. The funny thing was that it wasn't my father driving the car. It wasn't his head getting smashed and broken it was.....
"NO, NOT AGAIN!" I screamed out. I sat bolt upright in the bed and started shaking and crying. Alex sat up when I screamed and wrapped his arms around me.
"SHHH, it's alright. It was only a dream. Nothing's going to hurt you," he kept saying. My door opened and my parents rushed in. My mom came to my side of the bed and my dad sat next to Alex. I was still crying and shaking, not knowing what to say or do. How could I have dreamed that? I was in the back seat. NO, NO it isn't real. I just started crying harder and shaking. I couldn't breathe and I started choking trying to draw breath into my body. The last thing I saw was Alex crying and screaming 'NO' before all went black.
I came to a little while later. Alex was holding onto my dad crying and my mom was next to me with a bag over my mouth. I slowly started breathing. Alex turned around at my mom's request and looked at me. I could see tears in his eyes and a worried expression on his face.
"Brett honey, are you ok?" my mom asked me. I just nodded my head. I didn't want to take my eyes off of Alex, afraid that he would leave me for being a baby and passing out. But he didn't leave when I blacked out, so I doubt he would leave now, but I wasn't sure.
"Brett I'm not going anywhere, don't worry," Alex said as if reading my mind. I smiled weakly and took his hand in mine.
"So, do you want to talk about it?" my dad asked. I shook my head and my eyes started to tear up once again. Alex let go of my dad and pulled me to him. Can he understand what happened? What will happen when he finds out the truth? Will he leave me, never wanting to be around me? Too scared that this might happen again? I didn't know the answers so I was crying for them and my parents. I was also crying because of whom I saw in the driver's seat that scared me too much. It was my father there, but in my dream, it was ME.
"Brett I love you, PLEASE talk to us. What was your dream about?" Alex pleaded. I shook my head again and started crying as I turned and buried my head in Alex's shoulder. I just cried until I fell asleep with Alex's arms around me.
I didn't dream anymore that night but when I awoke the next morning I saw Alex was awake. From the way his eyes looked all bloodshot, I would say he'd been crying and had been up all night.
"Alex, are you ok?" I asked scared. He just looked at me and nodded then looked down again. "Please don't be angry with me Alex, PLEASE. I'm sorry for last night, I couldn't help it. DON'T leave me, PLEASE," I begged, starting to cry. Alex looked at me then took me in his arms.
"SHHH, I am NOT going to leave you. I'm just scared I don't know what happened and I don't know how to help," he said starting to cry himself. We held each other until we stopped crying.
"I am SO SORRY about last night, Alex. PLEASE forgive me," I said. I looked him in the eyes. He looked back and smiled.
"There is nothing to forgive. You were upset. I still want to know what the dream was that scared you SO much. Please let me in and tell me your fears my love," Alex replied looking at me. I looked at him and I couldn't help it. I let it ALL spill out. My parents' death and how it has affected me, the fact of my being in the hospital, ALL of it, including the dream last night with ME behind the wheel of the car. He cried and I cried but he stayed beside me through it all.
A few hours later after we talked, we got dressed and headed downstairs. I found a note from my parents that said they went grocery shopping and would be back in a little bit. Alex and I made some sandwiches and drinks and sat in front of the TV. By the time my parents returned we'd had two sandwiches and about two drinks each. We helped them carry in the groceries and put them away. After that, we all sat down and with Alex holding my hand I told them about the dream. They were supportive as always and understood. Since it was now Sunday, Alex would have to go home in a little while and I would be alone until tomorrow. Around 8:00 that evening, after dinner, Alex went home. Of course, I was upset, but what a KISS he gave me, hehe.
I awoke the next morning, got ready for school, had breakfast, grabbed my backpack and headed to the bus stop. When I got there I saw the last two people I thought I would EVER see again, Billy and Jarad. They saw me coming and got this evil look on their faces. I was scared. I stopped about 20 feet from them and turned away. I wasn't going to look. The bus pulled up shortly afterwards and we all got on, Billy and Jarad last. I sat near the bus driver as always and didn't look back to see where Billy and Jarad were. But I soon knew they were behind me because I heard their voices AND felt them kicking the back of my seat. I was REALLY scared now. We soon pulled up at the school and I got off the bus first. I just made it into the front door of the school when someone grabbed me. At first, I thought it was Billy or Jarad but soon I felt a pair of familiar arms around me. ALEX. I turned and he saw the scared look on my face. He was about to ask what was wrong when I looked past him and saw Billy and Jarad come into the school building. Alex saw me look past him and saw them as well. I made sure I was behind him and just stared at them. The next thing I knew the rest of the football team was there around us. Everyone in the lobby of the school stopped and stared not knowing what was going to happen.
Billy and Jarad looked just a little scared but didn't move. The Principal came out of the office to see what had caused the students to stop moving when he saw Billy and Jarad being stared down at by the football team. He moved up to us and just stared a few seconds before he spoke.
"I will tell you all this. If any harm comes to either Billy or Jarad then the whole team will be suspended," the Principal said looking at Alex.
"That's cool, we aren't going to mess with them, BUT, if either of them hurt Brett then I will gladly get suspended for beating the hell out of them," Alex replied with venom in his voice. After the last weekend, he was bound to protect Brett more than anything else in the world.
"Is that a threat, Mr. Daniels? Because if it is, 'we don't do threats here' and you can be suspended for them," the Principal said facing Alex. Alex looked at him, then past him to Billy and Jarad who were now shaking, scared stiff.
"No sir, no threat, THAT is a promise," with that Alex took Brett's hand and he and the rest of the football team headed to their homerooms. After homeroom, I went to gym, my first period. After the day that I was outed and after the football incident, the other boys didn't bother me. Actually, they became my friends. Alex and I stayed next to each other. In the gym, we didn't hold hands or act like anything more than just friends. I think that impressed the guys. We didn't look at anyone's crotch. Just each other's, hehe! They even teased us about it and we laughed with them. We knew they were joking and that was ok with us. We all were. Even the coach would say a few things that would make us blush and the rest of them laugh. Like one day he busted out with A REALLY funny comment that made Alex and me blush and giggle.
He said, "OH come on guys, you can run faster, just imagine that Alex and Brett were chasing after y'all." With that, the WHOLE class busted out laughing. We blushed and just started walking.
We were doing well in school and were happy. But now that Billy and Jarad were back, I was scared. When lunchtime came around I walked into the cafeteria and got in the lunch line. I was looking at the guys at the table and they smiled and waved at me. What I didn't know was that Billy and Jarad had gotten in line behind me.
"Hey Billy, you know what GAY means, don't you?" he asked with amusement in his voice.
"Naw man what does it mean?"
"GOT AIDS YET?" and with that, they started laughing. I cringed and tears started coming to my eyes. I got my food and started walking towards the table when I heard another comment from Billy and Jarad.
"Hey Jarad, I guess fags really know how to watch their weight, they eat but all that sex with guys must help them lose weight." They both laughed and I felt I was getting sick. I looked up and saw Alex staring at me with a strange look like 'what's going on?' upon his face. I turned, dumped my food and ran out of the cafeteria. Alex ran out after me. I just kept running until I got to the football field. I collapsed trying to catch my breath. Tears were streaming down my face. The people out on the field were all looking at me including the football coach. Alex came to a stop next to me trying to catch his breath.
"Wh...Wha....WHAT was ....that ...all...about?" he asked sitting next to me. He turned me to look at him and saw the tears in my eyes. The minute I looked at him I broke down and started crying harder. Alex pulled me to him and I cried even more. The coach walked up to us.
"Hey Alex, what's going on?" he asked squatting down next to us.
"I don't know. Brett was in the lunch line getting his food and Billy and J arad came up behind him. I saw they were talking and even glancing at Brett. After Brett got through the line he stopped, looked at me, dumped his food and ran out here," Alex said stroking my hair to help calm me down. Alex and the coach looked down at me as I started to calm down.
"Hey Brett, you ok now?" asked the coach. I nodded my head and looked up at Alex. He looked at me and smiled letting me know it was ok to cry and he would stay with me.
"Brett, what did Billy and Jarad say?" asked Alex. I looked at him and decided to tell them. After I told them, what I saw in Alex's eyes almost scared me. He looked PISSED. If there was a word for worse I could use I would, but I don't know of one yet. He started to get up and I stopped him.
"PLEASE Alex, no. Let it go for now, ok?" I said looking into his eyes. He just looked at me then nodded his head. He held onto me as the coach talked to us.
"Ok guys that is IT. I am going to give those two something to REALLY make them think," he said getting pissed as well. He got up and started walking towards the building. He turned around and motioned for us to follow him. He took us to see the Principal. When we got to the office coach went in first. By the time he got us the bell rang and lunch was over and classes resumed. We went in and the Principal asked us what had happened. Alex went first then me. When I was finished the Principal was PISSED. He called Billy and Jarad's parents and asked them to come over. They arrived a short time later and saw Alex and me sitting there.
"Mr. And Mrs. Smith and Mr. And Mrs. Adams, please take a seat. We need to have a SERIOUS discussion about your sons and their future here at this school," the Principal said. With that, the discussion got underway. We told them what happened. I even explained about what happened on the bus. They said they were sorry; they didn't bring them up like that. I think the fathers were more hurt than anything because they probably felt it was their fault. I assured them it wasn't their fault; it was that they were never taught about people like us or how to just accept us. I had an idea for a punishment. After I told them the idea, the parents and principal ALL agreed to it.
They called Billy and Jarad into the office. When they walked in and saw their parents sitting there talking to us, they swallowed hard and just stood there not knowing what to say.
"Mr. Smith and Mr. Adams we have just had an interesting talk. Earlier I stopped the football team from beating the crap out of you and then you go on and insult gays and hurt a fellow student with words," said the Principal.
"We...," he was cut off by his mother.
"DON'T LIE, I can see it in your eyes. You know what you did, now admit it," she said getting up in his face. He glanced at his father who just nodded then turned his head away.
"Yes sir, we did. But we were only playing, we didn't think the sissy would take it so seriously," said Billy. With that there was a loud smack, Billy's mother had slapped him.
"APOLOGIZE, RIGHT NOW," she hollered at him.
"I'm....I'm.. Sorry Brett," Billy sobbed. I felt a little sorry for him, but not much. Jarad was shaking, scared to open his mouth, he just nodded. His parents turned their heads away from him. With that as a sign of rejection, Jarad started to cry silently. I really felt sorry for him, but didn't say anything at all in his defense.
"Well, now that that is out of the way, we have decided on a proper punishment for you," the Principal said. Hearing those words made Billy and Jarad look up scared. "I was going to expel you, but Brett made a better suggestion. Instead of expelling you, we are going to use you. Alex and Brett would like to organize a club for gay, bi and straight students. An awareness group, if you will. Well, the suggestion is this: As of now you two are both members and will help with spreading the word that at 3:00 this Friday the first Club meeting will be held in room 234. Your duties will include letting others know by passing out flyers, helping to organize dances, parties and such. Any questions? Good, because if you don't do this, YOU WILL BE EXPELLED." With that all of the adults nodded their heads. We were given passes back to our classes.
That afternoon Alex and I got on my computer and started printing the flyers up. It was simple and well put: The First Gay, Bi, and Straight Awareness Club Meeting Will Be Held In Room 234 This Friday at 3:00 P.M. That was all that it said. When my parents came home we told them about what happened. At first, they were upset that it happened, but glad that Billy and Jarad got what was coming to them. Alex and I did our homework then Alex went home. I walked him outside and once on the porch he put his arms around my waist and I put mine around his neck. We looked deep into each other's eyes and slowly drew our heads together. The kiss was perfect, slow and sweet. We parted and just stared, then kissed again. Then with a laugh and a honking horn, we broke apart and saw Alex's mom there laughing at us. He went to her car, got in and waved as they left.
The next morning I saw Billy and Jarad at the bus stop. They didn't say anything to me and just looked kinda scared. I hated the feeling I was getting because I didn't want them to feel bad, just to know that they hurt people with their words. When we got on the bus they sat behind me. What was surprising was when Billy spoke to me.
"Ummm, Brett do you have the flyers ready," he asked in a low voice. I turned, looked at him and nodded. I handed them the flyers and kept some for myself. They looked at them, and then put them in their book bags. When we got to school I got off first and headed inside. I saw Alex and went over to him. We kissed and started talking. He told me to look outside and what I saw amazed me, there were Billy and Jarad passing out our flyers. I saw them and smiled and told Alex I would be back. I walked outside, took out the flyers I had and the three of us started passing them out. When the bell rang I said bye to them and headed inside. Alex caught me in his arms, stared at me and kissed me.
"I am REALLY proud of you," he said.
I smiled and replied, "And I'm proud of you for not hurting them." We gave each other a quick kiss then headed for our homerooms. For the rest of the week Billy, Jarad and I passed out flyers and got things ready for the first meeting. They were really helpful and I always said 'thank you' and they said 'no problem.'
Friday came around and we were ALL excited. By lunch I was SO nervous I could hardly eat until someone made a comment that made me laugh and blush.
"Hey, for the first time ever Brett isn't hungry. I bet if Alex stripped and laid on the table he would eat him," Taylor said. With that, the WHOLE table busted up laughing. I looked at Alex and he was blushing but laughing. I know I was fire engine red. Someone pointed this out and they laughed harder. Then I started laughing. I ate my food after that. I looked at Alex and he winked at me. I think if he could get away with it he would have done what Taylor had suggested.
At 3:00 o'clock I walked into room 234 and was VERY surprised -- there had to be close to a hundred kids there and a few teachers, too. Alex and I walked up to Mrs. Mandle our guidance counselor for this club and talked to her for a few minutes. She got the meeting in order and welcomed everyone to the GBSA Club. She introduced me and Alex and we got a standing ovation.
I stood up saying, "I'd like to welcome everyone and I would like to start off with a poem that I hope will make you all more aware of what hurtful words can do to a person." Alex was surprised; he didn't know I was going to do this. Hey, even he needs a little surprise every now and then. I started the poem:
"Words were thrown at me
They made me cry, they hurt
To my soul, I wanted to die
I didn't know what to do
So I cried and cried
Why do they say these things?
I didn't ask to be this way, I just am
What did I do to them to make
They hate me I just don't know
I want to die to forget my pain
But I can't I feel too ashamed
Ashamed to be me to be the REAL me
To be the person I need to be WHY? You Ask
Because of the mean things they say to me
I can't help but be this way I am alone
And so afraid
Afraid to be me yet afraid to love
The words they say hurt and cut me
All the way to my heart
Why can't they just let me be?
It isn't my fault I just am this way
The pain I go through the hurt I feel
Is because of them.
I have found my love and my soul mate but
The words still hurt me and I still cry
Even though my love is by my side
Now I know love and the words still hurt but
Now I know I can overcome them with him
By my side"
After I finished I looked at Alex, he had tears in his eyes and he smiled at me with all of the love in the world. I then looked at Billy and Jarad who were also crying silently. NOW they know the pain they have caused me. NOW they can begin to understand what I have gone through and hopefully learn to accept others as we accept others.
I got the surprise of my life. Billy and Jarad got up and came up to me. They both wrapped their arms around me and cried harder. I wrapped mine around them and cried with them. They said there were sorry and would NEVER do that again. Alex came up to them and hugged them as well. After that, we got started with the meeting. We discussed what harassment was and the cause of it. We talked about homophobia and what can cause that. We also discussed ways of helping others accept themselves. We even scheduled a dance for the group for next month. Things were looking up. Billy and Jarad admitted they were wrong and apologized. Maybe now they can become REAL friends.