Messages In the Wind

Chapter Two

It was calving time and the young heifers had to be watched for difficult births. My dad had taught me to drive our old pickup truck, so that after school I could drive around the pasture checking the herd. I had just arrived home from school and decided to skip my usual after school snack and check the herd. There were already nine new calves. Two of the heifers had delivered just a few hours earlier and apparently without difficulty. It appeared that the herd was doing okay, then I spotted a young heifer trying to give birth. She was a rather small heifer and apparently in distress; only the head and forefeet of the calf were out. I knew that without help, the calf and possibly she wouldn't survive.

I'd never delivered a calf before, but I'd seen Dad do it many times. So I grasped the calf's exposed legs and began to pull. It wasn't budging. I was big for a twelve year old, but still wasn't strong enough to pull the calf out. I sensed that the calf wouldn't survive if it wasn't delivered soon, and it would still be a couple of hours before dad got home. So I took a rope and tied it around the exposed portion of the calf, then I tied the other end to the truck. I knew that I was taking a chance on the calf not surviving, but at least the heifer could be saved. I put the truck in low gear and slowly pressed the accelerator. Finally the entire calf was out.

To my surprise, the calf was still alive. After several minutes, the mother had cleaned her new son. I managed to get the calf up and nursing for his first meal. "You're a lucky SOB," I told him. "Hey, that's a good name, Lucky." We didn't make a habit of naming our cattle since many would eventually go to market for slaughter. Yeah, I know that sounds harsh, but growing up on a farm one doesn't think about such things.

I made sure that Lucky and his mom were okay, then I got the tractor and brought hay to the herd. By the time I got back to the house, my dad had already arrived home from work. "Were the heifers okay?" He asked.

"One was down, but the other two were fine," I quickly answered, my mind being on mom's pot roast.

"Tyler, what in the hell's wrong with you? You know we can't afford to lose a calf, much less a heifer too," Dad said. "Now let's go check on her."

"There's no need to go check," I answered as I headed toward the sink to wash up for dinner. I was starving, or at least I thought I was.

"Did you just let that heifer die?" Dad asked.

"No, Dad, I delivered her calf. I knew that there wasn't time to get you. The calf was so big I couldn't pull it out by hand, so I had to use the truck."

"At least you saved the heifer," Dad said. "That's better than losing both."

"The calf is fine and was sucking when I left," I explained.

"Well, I'll be a son of a bitch. I'm not sure I could have done that when I was your age," Dad said with pride. He then put his arm around my shoulder. That was the most affection Dad had shown since I was just a little kid.

"Larry, such language," Mom said with a smile.

Lucky was the first of many calves I delivered before I left the farm. But he was the only one that I really felt sad about when he was sent to slaughter.

At the age of twelve I was entering puberty. I knew things were happening to me that I didn't quite understand. My dad and I never had the 'father and son' talk. To him, sex education was letting me watch the farm animals mate. I noticed that I was developing pubic hair. I knew that men had pubic hair, but it kind of surprised me when I started developing it. I think J.R. and Justin were envious when they saw me nude in the shower after football practice.

"Dude, you're getting hair down there," Justin said with envy." I can't wait until I get some."

"Shut up," I said with embarrassment.

"I can't wait either," J.R. chimed in.

By the end of the school year I was shaving, had developed some arm pit hair, and had an expanded patch of blond bush. I even teased Justin and J.R. about being little baldies.

That summer seemed to zip by. I was usually busy with farm work and Dad even said that I had the farm looking as good as any in the area. That was the summer that I was taught to masturbate. That's right, I was taught. I wasn't sure how other guys learned. Just by playing with themselves I suppose, but I was taught. It was close to the start of football practice and I had an appointment with Dr. Anders for my annual physical. Mom dropped me off at the doctor's office and went for her hair appointment. She told me that she would be longer than I would, but just to wait in the doctor's office and she'd pick me up after her appointment.

The nurse called me back to the examination room and then closed the door. I've often wondered why there're magazines and a TV in the waiting room, but nothing in the exam room. Anyway, the nurse left me alone in the room. After what seemed like an hour, Dr. Anders finally came into the room. "Wow, Tyler, you've grown," he said.

Now, Dr. Anders is a few years younger than my dad. He wasn't as muscular as my dad, but not fat either. "Yeah, I guess I have," I said with embarrassment. I wasn't sure why I was embarrassed, but I was. I guess maybe it was the way Dr. Anders looked at me.

"Tyler, you need to undress," Dr. Anders said, a matter of fact.

"Huh?" I questioned. I was really embarrassed now, but I did as I was told. I slowly undressed and stood before Dr. Anders in my underwear.

"Those need to come off too," Dr. Anders said, pointing at my underwear.

"I see that you've reached puberty," Dr. Anders smiled. "My, you're certainly a big boy down there, but some boys develop earlier than others."

The next thing I knew, Dr. Anders had his hand on my penis. It was then that I realized that this was more than the normal annual football examination. I guess it was because he couldn't keep his eyes off my penis and his hand was still there. I could tell that he liked what he was doing. He then said, "Your penis is larger than a lot of eighteen year olds." Now I was really embarrassed, but I kind of liked what he was doing. He was actually stroking it and I was getting an erection. Sure, I'd played with myself some before, but this was different.

I was starting to moan a little bit. Suddenly someone was knocking on the door and saying, "Doctor, your next patient is ready in exam two."

"I'll be right there, Kay," he said, all business like, with my penis still in his hand. "Tyler, I guess you've never ejaculated before. Young guys like you need relief. Now you can do this yourself, or come here and I'll do it for you from time to time," he said with a smile. It was just like he was giving me actual medical advice.

I never told my parents what Dr. Anders did ... I knew somehow that it was something he shouldn't be doing. And as I look back now, I realize that he could have been arrested for what he did. If I'd told my dad, I'm sure he'd have beaten the crap out of him.

That, however, was my last visit to Dr. Anders' office ... he did get arrested. He was doing a physical on another football player, and the kid's mom thought it was taking too long. When she went searching for her son and opened the exam room door, Dr. Anders was actually having oral sex with the kid.

I picked up the local paper and was reading the headline, "Local Physician Arrested for Pedophilia. My mom saw me reading the article and asked, "Tyler, has Dr. Anders done anything like that to you?"

"No, Mom, he hasn't," I lied. I was too embarrassed to admit what he'd done to me.

When I turned fourteen, I got my learners permit that would allow me to learn to drive. Then after two months, I took my test for a school driver's license. That meant that I'd get my Nebraska school driver's license. I could then legally drive to and from school. My Dad thought this was a good idea, so I could get home after school earlier to do my farm chores. The car dealership where Dad worked gave him a good deal on a used Jeep Liberty. "It's yours," Dad said. "You've earned it."

This was a difficult age for me. The other guys were interested in girls, but I wasn't interested. I had convinced myself that I was too busy with football and my chores to date girls. It never occurred to me that I might be gay. I wasn't even sure what that meant. It was also about this time that I realized that I enjoyed looking at hot guys.

When I was a junior in high school, I somehow managed to avoid the Junior Prom. Justin and J.R. were both looking forward to going. Both had dates and were constantly trying to fix me up with different girls. I rejected each one they picked for various reasons. "Dude, you're not going to find any beauty queens now," J.R. said. "You've waited until all the cute girls already have dates. Just go stag and see what happens."

"I'd rather not," I said. "Most everyone else will have dates."

My senior year in high school was miserable for me. I have to admit that I was getting pretty damn buff, and all the girls were really hitting on me. Now what high school senior wouldn't enjoy that? Us gay ones wouldn't. Yeah, I finally admitted to myself that I was gay. I still wasn't out and I think that's what made me miserable. Remember, this is small town Nebraska.

J.R., Justin, and I rarely hung out like we did in the past. We were still friends, but I kept busy with the farm and maintaining good grades.

I was a pretty good football player and had really good grades during high school. However, I wasn't a good enough football player to get a scholarship offer to the University of Nebraska. On the other hand, I did get an offer from Chadron State College. That was good enough for me. Chadron is a small town in Northwest Nebraska near the South Dakota border.

Dad wanted me to get an agriculture degree, but I wasn't interested in that at all. I decided to follow Mom's path and become a teacher. Dad and I never argued about this, but I knew that he was disappointed.

I decided that I would start college during the summer term and get a head start with my studies. I was assigned a dorm room and because it was the summer term I had no roommate. I liked that because it gave me privacy. I wasn't sure how I would manage when I did get a roommate.

When the fall semester started I got a roommate. His name was Kyle Jordan, and God was he ever hot. He was also on the football team and totally straight. Kyle seemed to tease me with his body. He would often walk around nude. Yeah, it was like he was showing off his manhood. I was really hot for him.

Kyle and I became pretty good friends during our time in college. However, he wasn't the cerebral type and I ended up tutoring him. He would often say that I was getting two college degrees, mine and his. At times I felt as though I was. I didn't mind though because he was so damn good looking. I'm sure you think this was leading to romance. Shame on you, you're just a sex fanatic. Hey, it wasn't because I didn't want to have him for a boyfriend. Remember, I told you he was straight. "Yeah, right," you say, but he really was.

I went through my complete bachelor degree still a virgin. I even graduated in just three years ... still had another year left on my football scholarship ... and I was still a virgin. So, I decided I should start my master's degree. It wasn't like I had a social life or anything. Kyle and I still haven't hooked up ... told you he was straight, didn't I?

Please send your comments or suggestions to Owen Hudson