Connor

As Connor showered, he realized things had grown even more, and he not only had a pubic patch but the start of a ‘happy trail’. He took his parents’ advice and took care of things in the shower. As he was drying, there was a knock. Realizing the entire household was male, he opened the door to find Shamus. Stepping back, he motioned towards the chair, closed the door, and continued drying off. 

Shamus sat, cleared his throat, and said, “I think we need to have a conversation, and I’m hoping you’ll trust me.”

Connor realized this would be a serious chat, so he sat on the edge of the bed and tossed his towel into the laundry basket. “Would you feel more comfortable if I put on some shorts? Ma and Da were fine with me being naked, and I’m most comfortable that way, but I wear clothes when I need to.”

Shamus shook his head, saying, “That’s one thing we won’t have to discuss. I’m the same. I guess we’ll have to adjust if Carol is going to be around, but that’s not what I wanted to talk about.” Shamus looked down at his hands for a minute, then looked up and said, “I wasn’t trying to be nosey, but I overheard most of your conversation with your parents.”

Connor bristled as he said, “You know I’m a typical teenage boy, and I touch myself, so?”

Shamus grinned as he said, “We all do. I just wanted you to know that I understand better than you can imagine. Late puberty is common in our family. I wanted to let you know that you’re normal, for our family at least. And yes, when it hits us, it’s fast and furious. In the next three months, you’ll go from looking like a twelve-year-old to looking like you’re eighteen. Very soon, you’re going to outgrow the clothes you just bought, and I’d guess that you’re going to be shaving by next week. That is, if you follow the pattern that’s typical in our family. I also want you to know that you can come to me with anything, not just stuff about the ranch.”

Connor thought for a moment, then decided to get everything out. “I hope that chair is comfortable. I guess now is as good a time as any to tell you everything. At least it’s not a long drive for Da to come to get me if you change your mind about me after you know everything.”

 Shamus smiled, then said, “Well, if it’s going to be that long, maybe I should get comfortable?” He stood and started to undress, then glanced at Connor. When Connor nodded, he piled his clothes on the chair and sat on the thick rug with his back against the dresser. “That’s better. Now, tell me all the reasons you think I won’t like you. By the way, it’s too late. I already like you.”

Connor gave a half smile, then looked down at the floor as he stated, “I guess the first thing you should know about me is that I’m an alcoholic. Yeah, I know, you’re going to say I’m too young to know and all the other excuses, but I know. When I was twelve, a kid from school and I got some beer from an older kid, and we got wasted. The next weekend he said he didn’t want to do that again, but I sure did. I felt like my problems went away when I was drunk. Before I knew it, I was drunk every chance I got. I realized I have a problem when I got an F on a test and thought, ‘I need a drink’. I had always heard that normal people drink, but alcoholics need to drink. That got me thinking, and I found an AA group for teens and started going. April 15^th was a year since I had what I hope was my last drink, but it’s one day at a time. I’ll want to find meetings and support, and I’m worried that Havre is so small I won’t be able to do that.” 

Shamus waited as Connor explained, then he replied, “The only problem with that will be that we should go to different meetings.” Connor’s head snapped up, and he stared at Shamus as he continued, “One of us might want to share about the other, and it could be awkward. There’s a clubhouse on US-2, and they have meetings every day at 5:30 PM, several days at noon or 6 AM, and there are other meetings around town. Many of them are mostly younger people. We’ll work it out. I’m assuming you have a sponsor?” 

“Yeah, his name’s Jack, and he’s 17. I’m supposed to call him Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, but I haven’t been great at doing it lately. I would see him at meetings on Thursdays and Saturdays. I guess I should find a sponsor in Montana, huh?”

“I’ve always been told that we drunks should avoid the word should.” Shamus said with a laugh, “If you were my sponsee, though, I would suggest you find a new one. That can wait, though. I want you to know that if you feel like drinking, I’m here for you.”

Connor wiped away a tear as he nodded his head, then asked, “Why are you insisting that I am the one to inherit the ranch? Ma said I have cousins, and you talk like they work the ranch. Wouldn’t one of them be a better choice?”

“I heard you talking to Danny at dinner, telling him not now but soon. Will you trust me enough to take that as my answer? I’ll tell you soon, just not right now.”

Connor nodded as he said, “Wouldn’t be much of an example for Danny if I couldn’t take my own advice. I’ll let you have your secrets if you’ll let me have mine.”

Shamus smiled and nodded, saying, “We all have our secrets. We also have our privacy. There’s a difference, and I’ll do my best to allow you to have both. Is there anything else that you feel would cause me to reject you?” 

Connor looked Shamus in the eyes as he said, “I’m gay. I’ve always known I’m gay, long before I knew what the word meant. Ma and Da have known since I was twelve. I doubt there are any cute boys for me in Montana, though, and none that will want to run a ranch.”

Shamus reached up and grabbed Connor’s hand as he said, “Who you love isn’t as important as the fact that you love. If your higher power wants you to have a man to ranch with, one will appear. Without going into detail, I’ll say that when it comes time for you to need advice about sex, you can ask me.” 

Connor wasn’t sure if he was more shocked at the old man’s acceptance or at what he implied. He grinned, and when Granda stood and opened his arms, Connor stood and hugged him. 

As he was putting on his shorts, Shamus said, “I talked with Matt and Colt, then I called Carol. She and Danny are coming for breakfast. I thought he’d enjoy a day on the trails and the lake if you don’t mind.” 

Connor laughed as he said, “If I don’t mind? I can’t explain it, but I loved that boy the second I met him. I’d take him as my own if I could.”

Shamus laughed as he headed for the door, saying, “Careful of what you wish for. You’ll end up with a whole pack.”

Connor smiled at the older man as he said, “And I’d love it. Goodnight Shamus. I feel better after our talk. I’m looking forward to seeing the ranch.”

After Shamus was gone, Connor checked the time. Jack would still be up, so he called. He shared how things have been going, and he shared his talk with Shamus. Jack was happy to hear that his young sponsee would have support in his program and made it clear that even if he wasn’t his sponsor anymore, he was still his friend and was always available if Connor needed to talk. They said goodnight, then Connor lay on the bed and said his gratitude prayers. As he did, he realized how much he had to be grateful for. His eyes were filled with tears as he drifted off to sleep. 

When his alarm went off, Connor was happy to discover that his parents’ advice had helped. He quickly dressed and was soon cleaning stalls with Jeffery and Chris. As they were walking towards the house, Carol pulled up, so Connor headed over to meet her. After saying good morning, he reached into the back seat and unbuckled the sleepy boy, then carried him inside. Chris grabbed his old booster seat from the closet and helped Connor get Danny settled in for breakfast. As they ate, Carol mentioned her need to sell her home and said she was going to find an agent today. Matt laughed, pulled out his phone, hit a number on speed dial, and handed her the phone. 

After breakfast, Carol had to meet Matt’s mother to list the house. When Danny heard, he looked at Connor and asked, “Can I stay wif you, Cawnew?”

Connor picked him up and said, “You sure can, little buddy. In fact, I think we should go ride the horses and maybe swim and have a picnic, and you stay with me tonight. What do you think of that?” 

Danny’s eyes lit up as he looked at his mother and asked, “Can I Mama? Pwease? I’ll be good for Cawnew, I pwomise!”

Carol smiled as she reached into the back of the Durango and pulled out a bag. Handing it to Connor she said, “If he gets to be too much, call me.” She then kissed her son and drove away, leaving one extremely excited toddler. 

When Shamus, Connor, Jeffery, and Danny got to the stables, Jeffery asked, “So what is your plan for Danny? Do you want a pony, or will he ride with you?”

Before anyone could reply, Danny said, “I can wide Mac Tíre by myself. Papa always let me do it.” 

Jeffery looked at Shamus, who said, “Let’s see how he does.” Turning to Danny, he said, “You tell Connor how to saddle him up, ok little guy?” 

Danny nodded, then everyone stood back and watched as he directed Connor in grooming and saddling Mac Tíre. When they were finished, Connor shrugged, then went to get Fenrir. Shamus and Jeffery talked for a moment, then Jeffery went to the stalls and returned with Dream and Brandy. When Connor saw her, he thought Brandy would pull away from him as she had on Sunday, but she was a perfect lady as Shamus groomed and saddled her. When everyone was ready, Jeffery had Danny lead Mac Tíre to the corral while Connor went to the tack room, returned with a helmet, and put it on Danny. He then lifted him up onto Mac Tíre and walked alongside as Danny guided his horse with his reins and verbal commands, clicking his tongue to increase speed and pulling on the reins to steer or slow down. 

Shamus said, “Looks good enough for me. Jeffery?”

Jeffery nodded, then mounted Dream and waited for everyone else to mount. Once everyone was mounted and ready, Jeffery led the way to the lake. As they dismounted, Danny was undressing and excitedly saying how his papa used to take him swimming in a lake just like this one. When Connor asked about a swimsuit, Danny just looked at him like he was crazy. 

“Papa said we don’t hafta wear clothes when no one’s around.” Danny explained. 

Connor looked at Shamus, then back to Danny, and asked, “Is that just swimming? Or all the time?”

“Mama and me don’t wear nuffin at home. Do you?” Danny asked innocently. 

Shamus let out a belly laugh as Connor grinned and said, “No, little buddy, we don’t. Let’s go swim. Race ya to the water!” then took off running. 

The three boys and one man swam and played in the water, with the older three taking turns tossing Danny into the deeper area, once they saw how well he could swim. After an hour or so, Danny headed for the shore with Connor following. Soon Connor was laying on a towel with a sleeping boy cuddled up under his arm. Shamus came by a few minutes later to say he was going to speak with Matt and Colt and for the boys to enjoy the day. Jeffery spread another towel and laid back to enjoy the sun. 

Danny didn’t nap long, and the boys were soon back in the lake. They heard an engine and looked up to see Chris on an ATV. He called them out of the water, and they rushed to help him unload the cooler filled with drinks and sandwiches. They enjoyed their meal and thanked Chris for bringing it. They laughed when Chris admitted he wasn’t being nice. He wanted to swim. As he said this, he jumped up, stripped, and ran to the water. The other three joined him for a while, then sat in the sun to dry. When they were dried, Connor put Danny on Mac Tíre, mounted Fenrir, and followed Jeffery back to the stables. Chris had already gone on ahead but met them at the stables and helped groom and put the horses away. 

At dinner, Shamus announced that he had purchased Brandy. Connor was surprised, but he was flat-out stunned when Colt said that there had been a mix-up and Brandy was expecting. They explained that it was possible her reaction to him had something to do with hormones. He got the feeling they were just making excuses but decided not to worry about it. 

Shamus also said that he and Connor would be working on roping and cutting for the rest of the week. He then surprised Connor by saying, “And Friday, I’d like to load up the horses and head home. We’ll stop at a friend’s ranch and camp along the way.” 

When Danny heard this, he immediately turned to Connor with huge puppy-dog eyes. Connor turned to Shamus, and when he saw a nod, he turned back and said, “If your mama will let you, yes, you can go.” 

After dinner, Shamus called Carol and got permission to take Danny. After the boy had talked to his mama a bit, Shamus took the phone and disappeared into his room. The last thing Connor heard Shamus saying as the door closed was, “Connor doesn’t know anything about it, and I don’t want you telling him.” 

Connor took Danny to his room and asked him, “Shower or bath?”

Danny quickly stripped and said, “Shower wif you.”

Connor shrugged, stripped, and helped his little buddy in the shower. Once they were dried, and in bed, Connor struggled with his gratitude prayer. What Shamus had said kept going through his mind. They had agreed secrets were ok, but it still bugged him. What was Shamus keeping from him? When he finally finished, he turned to tell Danny goodnight, but it was too late. The toddler was sound asleep. Connor laughed, wrapped his arms around the boy, and went to sleep. 

Again, there were horses in his dreams, along with the grey wolf, but he didn’t see the black one. He saw two rabbits and two wolf pups playing in the snow nearby. That was when he realized that he was seeing things through the eyes of the black wolf. His mind had just made this connection when he awoke. Too late, he realized he was about to have an orgasm. His panicked reaction to this and the fact that Danny was in the bed, caused exactly what he wanted to avoid. Danny woke up. 

Connor froze as Danny moved and felt the wet sheet. Then the boy started to cry. All previous concerns left him as Connor wrapped his arms around Danny and held him, asking why he was crying. 

“Don’t you feel it? I wet the bed. I’m sorry Cawnew, I didn’t mean to.”

Connor kissed the boy’s forehead as he said, “That wasn’t you, buddy, it was me. It’s something that happens sometimes when you’re my age. I’ll explain it to you when you’re older, OK?” 

Danny seemed content to accept that and cuddled close to Connor, ignoring the fluid between them. Connor slowly realized that what happened wasn’t sexual, it was natural. That, and Danny’s attitude, allowed him to go back to sleep. Two hours later, his alarm woke them both. Connor quickly carried Danny to the shower to rinse off, then helped him get dressed. 

As he was getting himself dressed, Danny said, “I won’t tell no one you wet the bed, Cawnew. They might laugh at you cause they don’t know it’s ok.” 

Connor couldn’t help but smile at the beauty of innocence. He kissed Danny’s forehead and thanked him for protecting him. They then went to the stables, where Connor spent most of his time helping Danny help him. Jeffery and Chris would have helped, but they were too busy laughing at Danny trying to use a shovel that was twice his size. When they finally finished and went in to breakfast, all the adults laughed at their reason for being late. 

Shamus, Connor, and Danny headed for the rodeo arena. With Shamus watching them both, Connor worked on cutting while Danny rode around the arena. When Connor took a break, Mac Tíre walked to the cutting dummy and stood, waiting. Shamus looked at Connor and shrugged, then shouted, “Hold on, Danny, it might get rough.” He activated the moving target on cables, and Mac Tíre performed incredibly. Danny held tight to the pommel as his horse darted back and forth, keeping his eyes on the target. Shamus stopped the target, and Connor lifted Danny from his horse. 

They sat to enjoy their packed lunch, and before he was finished, Danny was half asleep. Connor pulled the saddle and pad from Mac Tíre and used them to make a bed, and Danny was soon sound asleep. Shamus put Connor through his paces on the cutting dummy until they noticed Danny climbing through the fence. When they asked where he was going, he shouted over his shoulder, “I gotta pee!” and kept going. He soon returned, and while Connor was putting the saddle back on Mac Tíre, Shamus was going through the basics of roping with Danny. Demonstrating his toddler attention span, as soon as Mac Tíre was saddled, Danny wanted to ride. 

Connor started to work on cutting again, and during one break, he noticed Danny running the barrels.  Mac Tíre wasn’t going all out, but he was traveling at a speed that concerned Connor. Shamus seemed unconcerned, and Danny was screaming in delight. When Danny reined up to a stop beside him, Connor kicked Fenrir and headed for the starting gate. He turned and kicked up to a gallop, choosing to start with a right-hand loop around the right barrel. He finished his run with his hands held high as he raced back through the gate. Behind him, he could hear Danny cheering and Shamus laughing. 

On their way back to the stables, Shamus was telling Danny, “I talked to your mama, and she’s coming with us too. When we leave here tomorrow, we’ll stop by your house then you’ll come live with Connor and me. How’s that sound?”

Connor didn’t hear Danny’s reply. His mind was again caught up in wondering what secret Shamus felt appropriate to share with Carol and not him. He found himself resenting Shamus and his secret. He found himself considering just giving up and going home. Da would buy him a horse. He couldn’t do that to Fenrir and Maʹiitsoh, though. He couldn’t do that to Danny either. He loved the boy like he imagined loving a son. By the time they were nearing the stable, Connor had talked himself into a very sour mood. 

As they were grooming their mounts, Shamus bumped into Connor, who snapped, “Clumsy much? Watch what you’re doing.”

Shamus stopped and looked at Connor curiously, then nodded and said, “Page 417, before dinner.”

Connor hung his head. He didn’t have to read his Big Book. He knew that page by heart. He looked at Shamus with tears in his eyes as he said, “I’m sorry.”

Shamus replied, “I accept your apology. I understand your moods are out of control right now, but you should still read it and maybe call Jack. Danny and I will groom Mac Tíre. You finish Fenrir and go on.”

Connor knew he was right, so he finished grooming Fenrir, put him in his stall, and went up to his room. He pulled out his copy of The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and read:

He picked up his phone and called Jack. They talked for a while, and Jack reassured Connor that, regardless of whatever Shamus was keeping secret, he would find out what it was when the time was right and not a minute earlier. There was no point in dwelling on what the secret was. It would be revealed when it was time. The effort Connor had spent today on worrying was simply wasted energy. Connor thanked Jack for being there, then ended the call. 

After checking the time, Connor decided he had time for a relaxing shower, so he undressed and got under the hot spray. His talk with Jack had removed some of the tension, and the hot water was washing the rest of it down the drain. As he washed, he quickly took advantage of the privacy and relieved some pressure, hoping to avoid another event like last night. He had just rinsed off when Danny jumped in the shower with him. 

Once they were dressed, they joined Shamus and the Custers for dinner. After Jeffery and Chris reported on their day, Matt turned to Shamus and asked, “What about you guys? Still plan to head home?” 

Shamus nodded and said, “We’re going to Carol’s house after we load up in the morning. She’s coming with us.” 

Matt turned to Connor and said, “I hope you’ve enjoyed yourself. I know I’m speaking for Jeffery and Chris when I say you’re welcome to visit anytime you like.” Chris and Jeffery nodded their agreement. 

Connor grinned as he said, “And all of you are welcome to visit the ranch anytime as well. I’ll remember this week for the rest of my life. Thank you all so much for teaching me everything.” 

Connor’s alarm pulled him from his dreams, and as he became aware, he was happy to find a dry bed. He and Danny dressed and headed for the stables, where they found Chris, Jeffery, and Shamus hard at work. Shamus winked and pulled Danny outside to help hook up the trailer, which left the boys able to focus on their work. Once the stalls were done, they stocked the trailer’s hay storage, loaded the tack, and filled the water tank. 

As he was loading Maʹiitsoh into the trailer, Connor realized something. When he came out, he asked Shamus, “If Carol is going with us, who is she going to ride? I can’t ride Maʹiitsoh all day, and Danny can’t ride him bare. We’re short a horse.”

As if in answer, Carol came galloping up on the black tobiano paint mare Connor had seen in his dream. She dismounted and started removing the tack. As Connor helped her, he asked, “Where did you get her? She’s beautiful. What’s her name?”

Carol smiled and replied, “She is, isn’t she? This is Waya. Dylan called me last night to tell me about her. She belonged to our neighbor, Mr. Cole, who said he was getting too old to care for her. Since I knew both the owner and the horse, Dylan had me work out a deal.” 

As Connor was putting the car seat in the back seat of the Freightliner, he asked Shamus, “How did you get this and your RAM down here?”

Shamus replied, “The RAM was a rental. This trailer is too heavy for something that small. I have one like it at the ranch, though. In fact, I have several.” 

When the Freightliner and Durango were loaded and the horses safely in the trailer, Connor, Shamus, and Danny lined up to say goodbye to the Custers. Jeffery and Chris made sure to get Connor’s number, and they promised to keep in touch via email. Colt asked for pictures of the foal Brandy was carrying, and Matt reminded Shamus to be careful driving. 

It was just after noon when Shamus drove the Freightliner and horse trailer down the drive from Last Stand Ranch. Connor and Danny rode with Shamus, with Carol following in her Durango. They stopped in Keystone for Carol to sign a Power of Attorney so Colt’s mom, Jackie, could handle the paperwork for selling the house. There were already two offers, and Jackie said she expected two more before Monday. 

Six hours later, Shamus was backing into a parking area on a ranch near Miles City. Connor handed a sleeping Danny to Carol, then followed Shamus and learned how to set up the living quarters of the trailer. That done, he helped set up temporary fences to enclose the rear of the trailer to the adjoining paddock, allowing the horses to go in or out as they pleased. When that was finished, he helped lead the horses out and watched as they explored their temporary home. 

Connor climbed to the hay storage and tossed down a bale. He split it apart and placed it in the mangers of the trailer, then checked all the water buckets, gave each horse some personal attention, including checking their hooves and feet, then joined Carol and Danny under the awning to watch Shamus grilling chicken. 

As Connor sat in the folding lawn chair, Shamus said, “Carol and I would like to talk with you this evening.” 

¹The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, Fourth Edition, Page 417